why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
