Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
