Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i just had sex bonerless
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
