You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Randomize
