Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
