after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
