non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
