What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
