It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
