Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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