two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
