A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
