she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
i out mim tonsoeep
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