I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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