i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
We're too hungover to prance.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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