I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
