Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
The power of my boobs compel you
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
