that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
