how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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