thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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