K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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