I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
