btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize