can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
