I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
no you cant smoke seaweed
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize