I accidentally burped into my bong.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
