Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
That was an excessively violent trivia night
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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