also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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