Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
