I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
