Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
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