I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
