2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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