sarcasm needs its own font
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i dont even know how to be here
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
