I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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