Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
