Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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