hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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