Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
