I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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