I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
