tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
