my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize