I would go down on you faster than GM stock
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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