So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
