id be glad to
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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