either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I need to stop coming to work sober
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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