I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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