So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
