We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
