So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
