I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm bleeding and have questions
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
