Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
