I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
