I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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