I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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