dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
