At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
wow bdsm is so cute
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
