I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
My dick has a subreddit
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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