Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
