my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Randomize
