Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
