he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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