he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
