this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
