Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
