I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
