i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
