My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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