What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
