i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
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